Friday, 29 March 2013

Let's discuss: Toxic friendships

-Image from Pinterest.

hello lovelies, today I'm writing a bit of a different post. I haven't written anything of this sort on my blog before but I want to make it a bit more personal with a few of these posts popping up every now and again. Before I start, I just want to make it clear that I am aware that I don't know everything about friendships etc, I'm just chatting about my own experiences and such. Obviously I'm not using this post as a way to humiliate anyone in any way so I won't be mentioning any names or anything. This is going to be a long one so get comfy and grab a cuppa...

How do you know if the person you think of as your best friend is actually the reason why you are miserable all the time? Well it seems simple, but really it isn't. Looking back, it's ridiculous how long I allowed someone to make me so miserable without me even seeing her do it. The most worrying thing is how genuinely terrified I became of someone who was supposed to be my best friend.

Before I go into detail let's look at the signs that you're involved in a toxic friendship. A toxic friend is essentially someone who that constantly makes you feel emotionally drained, upset or bad about yourself. Here's my 15 signs of a toxic friendship:

1. This is an obvious yet very true one that I doubt many people listen to (I know I didn't). If you find your friend bitching and bringing others down to you, she/he is almost definitely doing the same about you to others. It may seem as if you're just close for you to be able to do this together but if you look at the people that she is bitching about it could reveal more. For example, is she bitching about a girl/boy that they have a mutual dislike of one another? Or does this boy/girl that she is talking about think that they are close friends?

2. If you find yourself not telling them your good news because you know that they will ruin it by saying something negative.

3. If you would rather saw your own legs off with a blunt spoon than leave her alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

4. Do you feel uneasy or a sense of dread when you hear that they have been invited along somewhere with you and your other friends? Or when you see their name appear on your phone.

5. Do they make your private information public knowledge? For example, have you found a lot more people know about that really bad argument with your boyfriend than you originally thought? "I thought it wasn't a big deal.. I only told one person" is the response..

6. Is "but we've been friends since primary school" your excuse for keeping your friendship alive?

7. Nothing is ever their fault. After she/he has hurt you by saying/doing something, it's your fault for being upset by it because either: a) they didn't know it was a big deal or b) you're making a big deal out of nothing

8. Do they constantly remind you of the things that they have done for you? Like that one time seven years ago when they did a 'huge favour' for you. You still owe them for that apparently.

9. Are you made to feel guilty over something that is their wrong-doing not yours?

10. You're a bad friend if you have other commitments in life. Everything that you do that doesn't involve them must be dropped immediately at their beck and call. Otherwise you 'obviously don't care about your friendship'

11. Are you problems that you need advice for met with pure negativity and after talking to them you feel worse about them?

12. You feel bad about who you are whenever you are with them not because you were insecure already but because they constantly make you feel that way.

13. Are you made to feel completely stupid for expressing something that differs from their own view?

14. Have you found that they transform into another person in an attempt to impress someone at your expense...

15.  Does ending the friendship make you fear for your physical safety?

So I thought it might be a quite useful to add in my own personal experience with a toxic friendship and how I eventually dealt with it. However I'd like to point out that I don't think I dealt with it in the way I probably should have, but it's easy to say that now that I'm not in the situation any more. Obviously I cannot sum up a whole two years worth of friendship in one post. I did share some really good memories with her but eventually the bad began to outweigh the good over the last year of our friendship.
I first noticed that my friendship with my best friend changed when I met my boyfriend. Now I know that is probably normal especially when a relationship is only just starting out because you tend to spend a lot of time together. The thing is though, my best friend and my boyfriend actually became friends which I loved. I always made sure that I wasn't cancelling plans with her and I made the same amount of time for her as I always did but gradually our friendship just really didn't feel right any more. It just felt like at any opportunity she could, she would try and make my life difficult or make me feel like crap somehow.

It's crazy how jealousy can change a person so much. When I first met my boyfriend is when her jealous streak really came out in the open. Just before I was going to leave to meet my boyfriend for our first date, she basically made me feel so crap about my appearance and personality that I was a complete nervous wreck the whole time. At any opportunity she could, she would make out that I left her for my boyfriend , that I was a bad friend and that I didn't care about her. When in my eyes, all I was doing was trying to keep her happy- which was an impossible task. Whenever she could, she would start an argument with my boyfriend just so I would be in the middle of them both so she could see who I would choose. Every time an argument happened, which of course every time was my fault, my boyfriend would just apologise to her so she would stop having a go at me. Eventually, my boyfriend actually stopped talking to her completely because every time they spoke she would come over to me and say he said something horrible about her or make a snide remark about his appearance in front of everybody. Stupidly, I didn't do the same as he did. I just saw each of them separately and hoped that all this would just go away on it's own. Almost every night she would ring me ranting about her problems and I would listen and give her advice for hours on end. But she was never there if I ever needed to talk to her about anything, I was "just being dramatic".

The thing about her is that she had this ability to say something hurtful but dress it up so it looked like it was either a joke (because we were so close, she could call me ugly and I wouldn't get upset- yeah right..) or that she was constructively criticizing me. Both of which were completely untrue. It got to the point where my heart sank when I saw her sat amongst my friends in the common room in school because I knew that it would only be a matter of seconds after I sat down until a bitchy remark about what I look like or what I'm wearing is made. She clearly got some sort of thrill from humiliating me in front of my other friends- stupidly of course, I just 'laughed' it off. The thing that upset me the most through all of this was how distant I became of my other friends- all of which were my true friends. All because she managed to convince me that they didn't really like me. When one of my friends made a private facebook group that was just created so everyone could arrange when we went out over the summer and didn't add me onto it, I was confused to why I she forgot to add me. My best friend told me that she must have forgot so said she would add me onto it. Then within minutes she spitefully deleted me off it and text me saying 'if they wanted you on there they would have added you themselves. I told you they didn't like you any more hahahaha'. Why was I still friends with this girl?!?!

The breaking point of this friendship though was an incident that happened at a sixth form party. After a few drinks her attitude becomes worse and she becomes aggressive and argumentative. That night was when I knew that our friendship had completely changed and just wasn't healthy to be in. She became really aggressive and started ranting at me saying that I left my boyfriend for her, that all my friends hated me and various vile insults before actually physically attacking me. Looking back on it now, it doesn't seem that big of a deal but at the time it felt like my whole world was caving in. I got my boyfriend to pick me up from the party and I cried hysterically the whole way home. I didn't get any sleep at all that night as my head was consumed with the horror of what would happen if I broke friends with her. Stupidly I was genuinely terrified of breaking friends with this girl. The girl who made me completely miserable, terrible about my personality, appearance and everything about me.
The worse thing about it all is I believed her. I believed everything she said about me. That night I convinced myself that I was going to move schools because if I broke friends with her, I wouldn't have anybody. I was genuinely terrified that she would 'turn my friends against me' - something I didn't think at eighteen years of age would be going through my head.

I spent months on end worrying that I was some terrible person when really, nothing happened but a completely ridiculously unhealthy friendship that should have ended a long time ago. I dreaded school so much that night that I was sick. In my head, all of my friends hated me, I had nobody to talk to, I was completely alone. My boyfriend forced me to go to school and even picked me up to go for a drive at each break time because I was terrified of bumping into her. Eventually after two days I was forced to see her again in a lesson in school. But obviously, she hadn't done anything wrong. When she asked me what she had done for me to ignore her I thought I was going to explode. I remember this moment so vividly because it just sticks out to me even now.. I turned to her and said 'why would I want to talk to you after the way you treated me?'. To which she replied "why are you shaking?", without me even realising my whole body was trembling, like literally shaking like crazy. I remember this moment so well because it just shows the extent of the fear I had for this girl. Why on earth did I let essentially just another human terrify me so much? Standing up to her made me feel physically sick and my hands were shaking so much I couldn't even hide it. The last week in school was tough as I couldn't get away from her and I didn't tell my friends what was happening.

That was the last I ever saw of her as she ended up moving to another school to resit her a-levels. I haven't had a conversation with her since any of that happened which is sad as it's not nice to have a friendship end like that but when it's making you miserable it's not worth the hurt. I cut myself off from any contact with her and eventually she got the message that I was done playing games. After a while, I told my true friends what was happening and they were shocked to find out what was going on without them knowing. A few of my friends are still friends with her and tell me that she is still months on making bitchy comments and indirect tweets about me but I can honestly say that I don't care any more. I've finally stopped someone so negative have an effect on me and I'm no longer letting someone else control my happiness. Now I've completely cut myself off from negativity like that I can't even begin to explain how much happier I am now. I love where I am in my life at the moment. I have an amazing close group of friends, a wonderful caring boyfriend and no room for negative people.

I hope that by sharing my experience it has helped someone in some way at all. If you ever need to chat to someone feel free to email or tweet me. But please remember that if you're going through something similar- your world will not end if you break friends with this person, you're probably much better off without them bringing you down.

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Procrastinating Beauty Blogger Tag

photograph from weheartit edited by me

I haven't done a tag in quite a while so I thought I'd do another one. This tag was created by Laura from The Beau Bow. I was tagged by the lovely Millie from Hidden Beauty.

1. Name a beauty regime that you rarely do.
I'm terrible at moisturising my body. I have a ridiculous amount of body creams that I haven't even opened yet that I really should use up.

2. Is washing your makeup brushes something you do regularly? 
I try to wash them every week but I rarely do to be honest. I wash my foundation brush every few days but I leave my other brushes for quite a while before I wash them- bad I know!

3. How long will you last with chipped nail polish?
It really depends how busy I am. When I have loads of deadlines or exams, I'll last without nail polish or chipped polish for quite a while. Otherwise it just gets on my nerves after a day or two.

4. How long do you put off buying/replacing a beauty or nail polish product even if you need it? (i.e purchasing a new topcoat, or a new foundation etc.)
I try my best to get through the other products that I have before I buy something else but it never really happens. Every few weeks I tend to splurge on make-up so I'll buy what I need (along with a lot I don't) then. 

5. What is your worst beauty habit?
I can't really think of any that are that bad really.. I used to be terrible for taking my make-up off but now I can't deal with leaving it on. I tend to mess with my face a lot as in picking at spots and things which I really shouldn't do so I guess that's a bad beauty habit.

6. Name something non-beauty related that you put off doing all the time?
This one is easy- tidying and essays. My room rapidly becomes like a pig sty and I can't think of anything more mind numbing than writing essays which I put off as much as possible.

7. When going out somewhere, do you leave getting ready until the last minute or not?
I give myself ages to get ready before going out on a night out because I love love love getting ready. I can't stand rushing my hair and make-up before I go out because it never seems to go right if I do that. I love getting ready with a film or music on so I'll give myself a good two hours to chill whilst getting my hair and make-up done.

8. Can you commit to spending bans?
No not at all. Money burns a hole in my pocket. The minute I have at least £10 in my purse, I'm thinking of what I can spend it on.

9. How organized is your makeup and nail polish collection?
My make-up and nail polish is the only thing that is organised in my room to be honest. I have a white chest of drawers from Ikea (this one). The top drawer is filled with my make-up bits with little sections. I also have two separate boxes for hair and body bits and nail polishes.

10. What is the longest amount of time you have gone without writing a blog post?
Maybe a month if not a few weeks, purely because I had quite a few exams in January so I didn't have the time. Usually though I don't leave it too long in between posts.

I tag everyone to do this tag so if you're reading this- you're tagged. I'd love it if you link me to your answers in the comments so I could read yours too.

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Glossybox: March 2013 'City chic' edition

So after a lot of consideration, I finally took the plunge and ordered my first ever Glossybox. Although I don't love every product in here, I'm still so pleased that I finally did it as I love the concept of getting a new box of treats each month. My first box was the March box. Obviously this isn't going to be the first post out there that shows the contents of this box but I thought it would be a nice idea to give my opinion on each product that I received..

What's inside?

Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream Skin Protectant Fragrance Free
Personally, I was really pleased to see this in here as I have never ever tried this product. A lot of people were quite disappointed as they already own it but I think regardless if you own it it's one of those products that is perfect in a mini version for your handbag. I love using this on my lips as they are quite chapped at the moment but I'm yet to try it anywhere else as it is quite thick and gloopy.

L'occitane En Provence Brightening Hand Care SPF15
I neglect my hands quite a lot if I am honest so seeing this in here is a god send. With me not being too bothered about hand creams etc as I usually forget, a mini size of this hand cream is perfect as I can just throw it in my bag. As far as hand creams go, it's pretty good. I don't really have a 'criteria' for hand cream to be honest other than it not feeling greasy. The full size of this is £19 for 75ml, I wouldn't ever spend that on a hand cream but it's nice to try it out.

Renu Flash Relax Mask
As far as  I'm aware, this is an anti-aging mask to reduce fine lines and wrinkles... As I'm only eighteen I don't think I'll be having either of those popping up on my face any time soon. Therefore I gave this quite generous sized sample to my mum and I will report back. I can 100% tell you that my mum will definitely not be spending £32 for the full 100ml version though as she would have a heart attack haha.

Pearlys Weekly Teeth-Brighten Powder
This has to be the most interesting out of all the products in this month's box. I'm yet to try it out but I do want to. I don't know why but I'm quite wary of using whitening products on my teeth in case it harms them in some way... I think it's because I've heard a lot of whitening treatments make your teeth very sensitive which I would hate. I might give this little kit a go soon but I might give it to someone else to try first as I'm a scaredy cat haha.

Jelly Pong Pong Lip Blush
I'm not sure what this shade is called but it's a lovely true red shade. The formula of this reminds me a lot of the Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stains which I love. I was actually after buying the red one of the Revlon JBKBS so this came just at the right time. It's a lovely formulation and shade but it doesn't have as much as a 'stain' effect as the JBKBS as it is more of a lip stick in a stick if that makes sense... Either way it is lovely and I'm enjoying using it.

I have to say I was a bit disappointed as I saw that a few people received Nails Inc polishes in their box and I didn't but that's the luck of the draw I guess. As the theme of this month's box was city chic, a little black booklet of places to visit came in the box which I thought was a nice touch.

Do you have a beauty box subscription? I'd love to know what you received this month.

Monday, 25 March 2013

what's in my make-up bag? #2

Top row- L-R: Super Facialist by Una Brennan Mattifying moisturiser, Clinique Even Better foundation, NARS Laguna bronzing powder, Benefit Coralista, Urban Decay Razor Sharp finishing powder
Bottom row- L-R: Maybelline Rocket Volum Express mascara, Rimmel Wake Me Up concealer, HD Brows in Bombshell, Boujois Healthy Mix concealer, MAC Studio Fix concealer.
I love reading these posts because although someone raves about a product, you don't know if they actually use it day to day. I also think it's nice to see what products have stayed the same and what has been changed about a bit. I have one or two new additions this time around but a few products I've had in the drawers for quite a while.

First up is a newbie to my collection: Superfacialist by Una Brennan Mattifying moisturiser. This is the perfect base for make-up I have ever come across. The moisturiser is mattifying yet hydrating which leaves my skin hydrated whilst keeping shine at bay all day. The formula itself includes Salicylic Acid and an anti sebum complex along with other natural ingredients such as watercress, horsetail and nettle. The mixture of these ingredients is said to rebalance skin that is prone to oiliness and breakouts and reduce the appearance of pores. My skin is definitely in much better condition after using this and it will definitely be becoming a staple in my routine.
After my moisturiser, I've been buffing in Clinique Even Better foundation which is a very recent purchase. At the moment, I'm quite unsure of this foundation. It makes my skin look really nice but the staying power in my opinion really is not up to much. I've recently ran out of primer, so maybe it's just that I need to use a primer but I would still expect a good staying power regardless as it is quite pricey. When I bought it, it said that is was medium-full coverage which I also don't really agree with. At the moment it's just a case of trialling it different ways to see how it works at its best. Another new item to my collection- payday was a good day for my make-up collection as it seems... - is NARS Laguna bronzing powder. I've been lusting after this for as long as I've been into make-up. It seems like every blogger has it and loves it so I just had to pick it up when I had the chance. All I can say is I am not at all disappointed. I was quite wary that it would be too warm for my rather fair complexion but it really isn't. I love using my Real Techniques Blush brush to contour and give my face some warmth. It warms up my face without looking orange or muddy- instant love.
Benefit Coralista  has been in my collection for quite some time now and as I think it looks gorgeous with a tan, it got a bit left behind when I stopped tanning and embraced my natural skin colour which is quite fair. But as I've been trying to warm my skin up with bronzer this lovely blush came out to play again. The shade is gorgeous peachy pink colour that warms up the face beautifully.
Recently I've been setting my make-up with Urban Decay's Razor Sharp finishing powder which has also been in my make-up drawer forever. I love how this has a powder puff applicator which means that it doesn't rub off my foundation which tends to happen if I use a powder brush. This patted onto any areas that get shiny throughout the day keeps oil at bay for hours. I've been keeping my eye make-up simple recently with Maybelline Rocket Volum Express mascara. I'm really loving using this mascara recently as it makes my lashes look huge! I'm currently using Rimmel Wake Me Up concealer for under eye circles which isn't the most amazing concealer I've used (especially on blemishes as it broke me out) but it does the job. As usual I'm still using my HD Brows palette in Bombshell. My picks of concealer are MAC Studio Fix and Bourjois Healthy Mix. These have been by life savers recently as I had a terrible breakout when I tried La Roche Posay Effaclar Duo that everyone raves about.

What's in your make-up bag at the moment? I'd love to know what products you're loving this week.

Thursday, 14 March 2013

What I've been loving in February

So I know it's quite late for a February favourites post but better late than never I suppose. I haven't got as many favourites as I usually do this month but I've had a little bit of a shake up with a few new pieces in my make-up collection.
Firstly I've started by trying out some new eye shadows, I've been lusting after Urban Decay's Naked Palette forever now but I'm still not ready to commit to buying it as I still can't justify it as most of the time, I can't be bothered to wear eye shadow- I'm also a bit of a noob at applying it but we'll forget about that. I've really been loving this Sleek Storm palette at the moment. Every shade is absolutely gorgeous and they are beautiful quality. They seem much more expensive than they are! I'll be doing a post on this palette shortly with a few different looks that I have been creating from it.

With me being a loyal lover of Loreal Volume Million lashes mascara, I haven't tried a new mascara in a long time. I picked up Maybelline the Rocket Volume mascara on a whim and I am well and truly converted! It doesn't flake or smudge and creates length and volume like no other.

Recently I've been addicted to skincare and when I picked up Una Brennan Super Facialist Rose Hydrate Calming Creamy cleanser when browsing my local boots I instantly knew I just had to pick it up. I love using this after I've removed my make-up before I go to bed as the rose scent is really calming and relaxing. My skin is left feeling baby soft and lovely before bed which has me hooked! After the freezing cold weather, my skin has been left very dehydrated so this little beauty has solved all my troubles. This is designed to be used after the pre-cleanse oil in the same range, which I'm going to have to pick up too!

My favourite foundation combination of the month has to be Revlon Colorstay mixed with Boujois Healthy Mix Serum. On it's own I really do not like Revlon Colorstay. I just found it to look quite cakey, not blend well and I just generally didn't like the feel of it on my skin. I absolutely love Boujois Healthy Mix Serum on it's own as it makes my skin look glowy and healthy. But as it's quite low coverage, if I'm needing a heavier coverage I just add a drop of Revlon Colorstay to pump up the coverage whilst still having a healthy looking base.

What have you been loving this month?

Ellie Rose 

where you can find me....

image from Weheartit

After the whole 'GFC is going' situation going on at the moment, I thought it's time to share a few links to 
where else you can find my blog.

follow me on Bloglovin here
follow me on HelloCotton here
tweet me here

p.s I'm sorry I really just couldn't resist the cute addition of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet running in the storm- it seemed rather fitting. Just me? Thought so.

Monday, 11 March 2013

This week I'm wishing for....

This week I'm wishing for...

Topshop midi dress- eBay studded slippers- Topshop Joni jeans- H&M jumper- Monki Shirt- H&M dress- Zara Office City bag- NARS Sheer Glow

With my first pay day just around the corner, what better time to create a wishlist of all the things that I want to blow my money on. I know the Zara Office City bag has been in a wishlist twice but I NEED.. would really like to buy it. I already own the Topshop midi dress in black and I absolutely adore it and this shade is gorgeous! I've been wondering whether or not to give NARS Sheer Glow a whirl for a while, but after picking up a sample, I realised how lovely it is.

What's on your wishlist this week? 

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

fotd & update

Hello lovelies, I feel so terrible for not posting for a few weeks but I've been so busy with school work and a new job. I know a lot of people have a lot less time than I do and still blog but I only want to write up a post when I'm in the mood and actually enjoying it rather than feeling as if I'm posting for the sake of it (that would mean a rubbish post essentially). I thought I'd do a little up date telling you all what I've been up to and throw in a fotd before I head off to work. 

So about a week and a half a go, I got offered a job which I jumped at the chance to take. I've been applying for part time jobs for two years and I never had any luck. I know the job market has been really tough and because my area is quite busy, my chance of getting a job was slim. I got my job as a waitress at a local pub and I'm absolutely loving it to be honest. The people there are really lovely and I'm looking forward to a massive shopping trip this month! 

As I only have around 11 weeks left in school, my work load has increased a considerable amount. To be perfectly honest, I should have had some things sorted before hand but I left it until later to decide- queue mad rush to do coursework drafts *sigh*. I've decided that I'm going to drop my History A level as it is just too much work for me to handle along with my other subjects and I really just don't think it is for me any more. Saying that, I'm terrified of telling my teacher this- he's quite sarcastic and scary- gulp! At the moment, I'm really looking forward to going to university in September. I have just confirmed my place to study Educational studies and Literacy which I'm really excited to start!

Once I have my coursework out of the way, which should be sometime next week; I will have lots of new posts up I promise. I'll leave you all with a quick fotd and I promise I will be back with another post on Monday.

What's on my..
face: Boujois Healthy Mix Serum foundation, Rimmel Stay Matte Powder, MAC Studio Finish concealer, Rimmel Wake Me Up concealer, Sleek Face Contour Kit, Benefit Coralista
eyes: Maybelline The Rocket Volume Express mascara.
brows: HD Brows
lips: Loreal Rouge Caress in Rose

Do you enjoy these rambly-type posts? I'd love to know what you've been up to recently.

love Ellie